Please don’t call it labour pains

Last week I had the opportunity to meet a mother to be at a family function. While I was congratulating her on her beautiful glow & how privileged she should be feeling with a life growing within her, all she talked about was her impending ‘labour’ and how anxious she was of the pain. She was fearful of even asking me how my experience was as she had already listened to frightful stories from other mothers!

Why don’t mothers encourage pregnant mothers with more positive experiences is beyond me! Why do women wear the length of their ‘labour’ as badge of honors & scare others is something I have not been able to understand.

Fine. Bringing a child into this world hurts. But doesn’t getting pierced or tattooed not hurt? Ok, there is no comparison between these two. There is absolutely no comparison between the two. One if for beautification & personal statement; while the other is the most life changing and selfless act. But I digress here.

This article is to tell all would be mothers to look at ‘labour’ as not laboring, but as ‘birthing’ or anything which makes it more positive. How about a ‘right of passage’. Birthing is as arduous a process for the baby as it is for the mother. But, by going through this process, the child receives many benefits.

Have you heard of the story where a small child watched a butterfly trying to come out of the cocoon, and after seeing it struggle, opened the sac to make the process easier. The butterfly did emerge, but because of the lack of the struggle, its wings had not developed properly and it could no longer fly. When you think of the birthing process as an enabler through which the mother is assisting the child to enter the world with dignity, love & strength, suddenly the mother is humbled & empowered.

If we only let our bodies and nature, do its job, pregnancy & birthing is a beautiful process. I wanted to tell that scared mom-to-be to trust, believe & be in awe of her body. Without being asked, her body would nurture the child for 9 months inside, and forever, outside her body. She will produce the best food for the child through her body for as long as the baby needs it. Did you know that the breast milk changes its formulation (actual constituents) according to the need of the baby!

Our first memory of birthing is old hindi movies where the pregnant woman is rushed into a room & is heard screaming; with the father pacing outside the door. Since then we associate birthing with pain. Pregnancy is not a medical condition that requires treatment. In older times, there was a loving dai who would comfort & assist the mother-to-be birth, as she had done for all women in the village/family/community. She knew the mother personally, attended to her throughout the pregnancy, offered advice, and loving brought her baby into the world. The western world is now waking up to this phenomenon, but we seem to have forgotten it, despite having given it to them.

A gynecologist friend practicing in the UK told me that NHS assigns a pregnant woman a mid wife for the entire pregnancy & through the birthing process. A doctor is usually called in only for emergencies. Why? Because our bodies know best.

When you receive forwards on Social media telling that child birth pain is equivalent to 20 bones breaking, please do read that during this time our bodies produce crazy amount of endorphins which give relief from this pain. And guess what, the amount of endorphins produced is good enough to give the mother a high! But we have started interfering with our bodies and the process, and scared ourselves enough to dread the final days. The doctors ask the already tired mother to ‘push’ the baby out, but did you know when we clench the jaw while pushing, we are closing the birthing path! We are doing it all wrong. The calmer the mother is, the more the endorphins get produced, and the smoother the process becomes.

So when you plan to book your pre baby photo shoot & your baby shower, do look up for natural birth & pre birth classes. There is inspiration and power waiting to be discovered which will change your outlook. Also, the next time you have your pre natal gynae visit, tell your doctor you want a natural birth and ask her to guide you to it. She may be shocked/surprised, but chances are she may view you with a new respect.

Just so you know, I was no different from the would be mother I met. But I decided to take help & make a difference.

Childbirth is the only time you will assist God in a miracle

This post appeared on Huff Post India as ‘Please stop talking about ‘Labour pains’- there’s so much more to childbirth ’

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