Pregnancy is cherished & made a lot about. Which is right, it is a huge turning point in your marriage, career & life. But it’s only a 9 month event. What ensues is a life long journey called parenthood, but I feel it is not given its due. Raising a child is more risky, tough, challenging, rewarding, fulfilling and life altering. What an individual becomes as an adult, is a sum total of his external environment & the upbringing his parents gave him. The same is true of the parent also.
And imagine the impact of raising two kids have on a parent! I have felt so many changes in me ever since I became a parent of two.
- I became more confident- Because I chose to have 2 kids when I know so many couples who have openly said that they don’t have the energy/ will to do it, I felt brave and empowered at the same time.
- I became more aggressive- I was assertive till I had just 1 kid, but now I have to stand up for 2 kids with the same limited energy that I have, so I optimise by becoming aggressive & cutting to the chase.
- I became a preserver- I have started saving. Because 1 kid is fashionable, 2 kids are a responsibility. In my first pregnancy, the novelty was so high that I wanted to buy everything new, right from clothes, to nursery items to toys. But for my second pregnancy, I had already carefully sterilised & stored a lot of stuff from my daughter’s time. I was also less stuck-up & was open to borrowing stuff from my sister/ friend who had kids.
- I started planning for the future- I have never had a plan for life and have just gone with the flow. But, now, with two kids, I have started for planning for tomorrow. How long do I intend to stay in a full time job? What will I do post that? When would the kids need my complete attention?
- I became stronger- Now when I look back, I realise as a first time parent I would get very defensive/ hurt when someone gave an opinion or advice on parenting methods or pregnancy, or life in general. Second time round I figured out that everyone has a right to their opinion & I have a right to take it or ignore it. So without making it all about myself, I chose to process this information they way that suits me.
- I was less judgmental of myself & others- First time round I wanted to do everything right the first time. And because I had set up such high standards for myself, I would measure others by the same yardstick. Oh… this mother doesn’t spend enough time playing with her kid, or lets the maid feed the kid, or some such thing…. Second time round I realised that every mother loves her child as much as I love mine, and like every child, every mother and her ways are also unique. Who am I to judge her?
- I was relaxed- Don’t let that trick you :). I am twice as tired, twice as short of time, twice at lack of personal time & exercise, twice of everything when I had just one kid. BUT, I am relaxed. I have done ok as a mother of one, I will do more than ok this time too :-D.